Deathwish can-4 Page 15

  “You’d have done the same thing,” I pointed out, going around an argument I didn’t want to have and crap I didn’t want to think about. Not yet. I wanted a few hours of denial. Just a few. Was that so bad?

  “Logic? You? Now I know you’re desperate.” He tossed me another towel from the counter. “And it’s my responsibility to keep you safe. The right of the firstborn. Part and parcel of being the big brother.” His jaw set. “It could’ve taken you, Cal, do you understand? It could’ve taken you or killed you.”

  I took the towel and scrubbed at my damp hair before countering, “It could’ve killed you too.” I swiped at my wet neck with the cloth. And it had come close. So goddamn close.

  He exhaled, “This is getting us nowhere. And waiting to be picked off one by one isn’t the best strategic plan spawned in history. We need to find them. Go after them for a change. Surprise them.”

  Go after them? Okay, that wasn’t just crazy talk. That was Hannibal Lecter eating his own foot with Dijon mustard wacko. “They live in Tumulus, Nik. Hell’s ghetto.” It wasn’t really hell, but it was a place—far from this world—that would make any mythological hell look like an amusement park. Two years of my life had been swallowed up by a nightmare dimension where time ran in all different directions, which explained how I’d come back to Nik only two days after my kidnapping but two years older. That was the one thing I did know about Tumulus. The rest was so thoroughly blocked out, I had only the faintest of impressions left. Rock and sand as red as blood, a sky the color of pus, and the cold of a long-closed tomb. But I didn’t have to remember to know that sticking your dick in a bucket of acid was a better idea than going there.

  “I don’t know anything about it.” I twisted the towel in my hands. “I don’t know how big it is. I could open a gate right in the middle of the Auphe, for all I know. We could drop right in their laps, and that’s not like Santa’s lap, okay? We won’t be getting any candy canes out of the deal.” Tumulus. Christ. I felt the towel rip under my grip. “Not to mention the me-going-crazy thing. But, hey, why don’t I mention that?” Only the amnesia, the defense of an adolescent mind, had saved me the other time I’d gone to Tumulus and come back. I knew it wouldn’t save me again.

  “Not we, Cal. Me,” Niko said, absolute. He reached over and took the towel from me. “If you can get me through, I could do a little reconnaissance, that’s all. I doubt odds are high that I would walk into the center of the Auphe.”

  Him, not me. I should’ve known that and would have if the mere thought of that place didn’t have every nerve in me firing in dread and sheer fight-or-flight panic. Nik would never consider sending me over there. It could’ve been my idea and our last hope and he still wouldn’t have allowed it.

  “No.” I was as absolute as Niko. “That’s their territory. You don’t take on someone like the Auphe on their territory. You should know that. You taught it to me. They could find you. Time is weird there. You could be gone a minute or a year. There could be pockets of no air.” The air had been thin there, hadn’t it? High-altitude thin? Hadn’t I struggled to breathe when they had dragged me there from home? Hadn’t I thought I’d suffocate? I felt my lungs suddenly ache for oxygen before a black curtain dropped down, wrapped around the flicker of memory, and took it away. Banished, like always.

  “No.” This time I snapped it. “Make that hell no. Fuck no. Any goddamn no you want. I’m not doing it.”

  “The time component. I hadn’t considered that.” Which gave away a frustration he didn’t allow to show. Niko didn’t forget to consider all aspects of a situation. Ever. But he’d been on target. We were basically sitting around, plastic ducks lined up at the carnival waiting for a BB gun to take us out. How do you fight an enemy you can’t follow? Can’t locate? They wouldn’t keep playing with us forever. They’d get serious sooner or later, mad or not, tire of the games, and then. . . . yeah, then.

  “What if you kept the gate open? Linking our world to theirs? That might keep time running consistently in both places.”

  I couldn’t believe it. He was still talking about it. Fine. He could have that conversation all by himself. “We need to dump the body,” I said, as if the subject of Tumulus had never come up, never existed. In fact, Tumulus was where the Easter Bunny painted his eggs—one big damn fairy tale. “Robin said the river.”

  Niko frowned, but it was for himself, not me. He’d brought up something he knew I had problems with—profound, mind-melting problems—and for nothing. But it wasn’t for nothing. He was trying, and right now that’s all we had. Grasping at the thinnest and craziest of straws. I reached over and slapped his stomach with the back of my hand. “Hey, I’m the one not speaking to you, remember?”

  The frown faded. “No river. Goodfellow’s since had a better idea while you were showering. Promise needs more time to heal before riding to the river is an option.”

  “How is she?” I asked. More importantly, how was Nik when it came to Promise?

  “Resting. She’ll be more mobile tomorrow.”

  “And will you be staying with her tonight or shacking up in a guest room?” I stood, grabbed my sweatpants from the shower, and wrung them out. “Did you decide if you can live with good enough?”

  “I don’t know,” he answered quietly. “Not yet.”

  Sophia . . . that bitch hadn’t done too damn well by either one of us. She’d made me a monster and made Niko the brother, father, and caretaker of that bouncing baby monster. She’d screwed us both up so badly, I didn’t think we’d ever get over it. She’d burned on earth and I hoped she was doing the same in hell.

  I moved past Nik into the hall and back to my room to dress. He followed. “So what is the plan, then?” I asked, pulling on jeans and a rumpled sweatshirt I fished out of my duffel bag. “Use Samuel again?”

  “No.” Niko picked up the damp towels from the floor, wadded them into a tight ball, and hit me precisely in the center of the chest with them. You wouldn’t think cotton could sting. You’d be wrong. “I’m quite sure the Vigil would like nothing more than an up-close look at an Auphe, a nice and tidy autopsy to find out their vulnerabilities. All of which is one step away from dissecting you. They want the Auphe gone, and while Samuel may be willing to give you the benefit of the doubt there, who knows what the rest of the Vigil may have in mind. The less opportunity they have to focus on you, the better.” And while I was human on the outside, the inside wasn’t quite the same. They’d have something to look it. Good times on the autopsy slab.

  “No dissections; got it.” Sitting on the edge of the bed, I put on socks. “So what’re we doing with it?”

  “Robin called in a favor of his own.”

  That favor was at the door as we spoke. Ishiah’s voice carried when he was annoyed, and he was almost always annoyed. This was no exception. As we entered the living room, he was nose to nose with Robin. “Your laziness and sloth know no bounds, do they?” he demanded. “I have a bar to run, my own life to lead. I do not exist solely to be at your beck and call. And I most definitely do not wake up every morning with nothing but the happy expectation of running errands for you. Difficult to believe, I know.”

  Robin yawned in his face. “You’re so very good at that. The temper, the scowl. Absolutely terrifying. You must drink shots of testosterone in your morning coffee.” He nudged the oversized garbage bag at his feet. “Here’s the package. Dump it wherever you like. Stuff it and mount it as a souvenir in your bar for all I care. Your choice entirely.”

  “It’s not.” The wings flared, appearing from nowhere, and a few feathers flew free. I picked up one as it drifted to the floor by my feet. Between translucent and white with a dusting of gold, it was twice the length of my hand. Robin had Ishiah so frazzled that he was actually molting. The puck was one gifted son of a bitch, I had to give him that. “You are not handing me a bag of Auphe. I know you are not.”

  “Think of it as a conversation piece.” Robin grinned lazily. “And I expect you to take it
off my bar tab in trade.”

  Refusing to believe it, Ish took a step back, bent, and untied the bag. Immediately, the blue-gray eyes darkened in disgust. “Unholy creature.” He retied the bag, then wiped the palms of his hands on his jeans. “One. You actually managed to kill one. You’ve more survival skills than I gave you credit for.” He looked past Robin as he said it . . . to Niko and me.

  “I’ve killed Auphe,” Robin said in protest. “In fact, I’ve killed many whilst I saved the entire world last year. Didn’t you get the memo?”

  “I’ve always known about your survival skills.” Ishiah picked up the bag with little effort, despite the weight of it. “That’s why history writes of the Last Stand of the Three Hundred, not the Three Hundred and One.”

  “Someone had to live to tell the tale. There’d be no heroes if there wasn’t anyone left to talk them up, now, would there?” Goodfellow gave an arrogant tilt of his lips before muttering, “All I wanted was the company of a few hundred half-naked, oiled-up men, and out of nowhere I’m facing the entire Persian army. Where is the luck?”

  “I’m certainly getting none my way.” Ishiah headed toward the door. “The next call I expect will request an anecdote for your eulogy. Anything else, and don’t bother.” He put his all in the growl, but as he’d been the one to save Robin’s life days ago, I had a hard time buying it.

  Closing the door behind him, I asked Goodfellow, “Did you ever thank him for saving your ass?”

  “Gods, no,” he denied, appalled. “That’s not our dynamic.”

  “And what would that be?” Niko said. “Rabid annoyance alternating with intense loathing?”

  “Exactly.” He yawned again. “One shouldn’t mess with a proven formula. Wake me for my watch.” Yeah, good luck to Nik there, because I had no desire for a dreaming Robin to mistake me for a Spartan, naked or clothed.

  Hours later, I was pulling my sentry duty, moving through the apartment quietly. Niko could remain still for hours at a time if he wanted and stay completely alert. Not me. I was a pacer. If I was off watch, I could snooze on the couch with the TV blaring, no problem. But waiting—that wasn’t my strong suit. And staying still after this last Auphe attack? That wasn’t going to happen. So I walked with skin itching and stomach on edge, waiting to feel the tidal pull of a gate opening. I ignored the faint feeling of being watched. After a battle, paranoia and adrenaline went hand in hand. It just came with the territory.

  As for trying to anticipate their next move, I couldn’t do it. To give me some credit, I’d been half right about the last one—too bad half wasn’t nearly good enough. But right now, even with the knowledge of a partially new motive on their part, I still couldn’t begin to try. Not yet. Just . . . not yet.

  Coward.

  As I moved from the kitchen to the living room and down the hall, I saw them. The door was cracked open enough to let me see Niko sitting on the edge of Promise’s bed. I couldn’t make out many details in the dark, but I could see his hand resting on her hair as she slept. Couldn’t live with, couldn’t live without . . . Nik deserved better. A whole helluva lot better. But I couldn’t help him make this decision, just like he hadn’t been able to help me with George. Everybody had that line . . . the one you couldn’t cross. I’d reached mine, which had led to a loss I didn’t know I’d ever get over. Of course, it also led to Delilah, a wolf with benefits. Life—what could you do?

  I didn’t know where Nik’s line would take him, but two days down the road, cabin fever was taking us all someplace. “Why the car lot?” I groaned as Promise’s driver pulled up into the lot Robin owned. “It’s not my idea of a good time.” Although at this point I wasn’t sure anything would be a good time. I would be happy if something just took my mind off the Auphe for a while. I’d given myself a night of denial before forcing myself far from the shores of humanity to where only monsters dwelled, thought, and planned.

  But what were those plans? The thoughts came easier. Much too easy. If I could think those same blood-soaked thoughts, maybe I was treading water out where I belonged. I did know if I stayed too long, I wouldn’t make it back to shore again. The more I tried to think like an Auphe, the more I was an Auphe, and I couldn’t deny it. Niko could, but I knew better.

  “Yes, yes. I’m sure your idea of a good time is us dropping you off at that werewolf’s place and waiting in the car while you bump furries,” Robin scowled. “But if I’m not getting any, no one is getting any. And for your information, as much as I dislike work, I have a business to run. One that keeps me in fine suits, a magnificent apartment, and wine that would make one weep.”

  “Work,” Niko said. “Don’t you mean robbing innocent consumers blind?”

  “Caveat emptor. If you’re brainless enough to be ripped off, then you deserve it. Pure economics. Survival of the fittest. Besides, I’m a trickster. It’s my calling.” It was twilight, and the lot was closed for the day. Robin used his key to let us in. We’d come at this time of day for Promise. She was already almost completely healed, but a wounded vampire was extra sensitive to light. Her hooded cloak wouldn’t be protection enough for another day or so.

  We followed him into the building and I got a look at a few cars way beyond our reach, although with the pearls we had . . . nah. Niko had a freakish attachment to his beat-up old car. So obsessively neat in every other way, he always drove a piece of shit. When I asked him why he was so fond of something that didn’t work half the time, he’d answered, “I’m fond of you, aren’t I?” And he called me a smart-ass.

  “Look at the toys.” Robin waved his hand. “I’ll be in my office. And Cal, do try not to drive through the display window again. As a matter of fact, try not to touch anything. My insurance agent is only so understanding.”

  “Ass,” I muttered as he walked away. He was never going to let me live that down. Possession didn’t cut it as an excuse for driving through the plate glass in one of his cars. Just for his comment, I ran a hand along the sleek red hood of a classic Mustang. “If you’re going for old, why can’t you buy something like this?” I asked Niko.

  “Because eating and paying rent is preferable,” he answered.

  Yeah, the money from those pearls was going into the bank, no doubt about it. No new toys for us. Unless it was a weapon, but those could be fun too. I opened the car door and slid in. Nice. Very nice. “You know, we could really mow down some monsters in this. It’d take them out better than my Glock.”

  “Stop dreaming, little brother, and get out of the car. We live in New York now. One car is more than plenty.”

  Parking, she was a bitch. We were lucky Robin let us keep Niko’s antique at his lot for free, because New York was definitely far more city than we’d been to when Sophia had dragged us around. She preferred the smaller towns. The cops weren’t as sharp there when it came to con artists. Although there’d been nights, sometimes weeks, we’d spent alone when she was in jail. Niko and I had gotten good at telling any nosy neighbors that Mom was at the store or the post office, or at the homeless shelter serving up goddamn soup.

  I ran a hand over the steering wheel, sighed, and got out of the car. Maybe a motorcycle. The great monster fighter cruising around on his hog . . . that wasn’t a cliché, no. Fine. I’d be a monster fighter who rode the bus. It didn’t get any more bad-ass than that. Yet I didn’t have a problem picturing Delilah on a motorcycle, and it didn’t seem a cliché at all.

  “You can always drive my car,” Niko reminded.

  “I can drive the crapmobile. Jeez, how’d I get so lucky?” Of course, I could take some of the money and buy one if I really wanted it, and Nik wouldn’t say a word after the fact. It was our money after all, but it would be a toy. While we might be flush with money now, who knew when our next paying job would be? But Niko being right didn’t mean I couldn’t give him a hard time. “I could feel the wind in my hair as I pushed that stalled piece of shit down the road. Can’t get a thrill bigger than that.”

  “My limo is alway
s at your disposal,” Promise said, still paler than normal. Niko offered her the receptionist’s chair, but it was done more with courtesy than the affection he’d shown her two nights ago while she slept. I wondered if she even knew about that. I still didn’t know which way Nik was going to go, and I wasn’t exactly sure which way would be best. He had been happy with Promise, and I liked that. But she’d broken his trust and that I didn’t like . . . at all. Not my decision, not my relationship on the line, but it didn’t stop me from trusting her less. I’d thought she’d always do what was best for Nik. I wasn’t so sure now. Then again, considering Cherish’s personality defects . . . the selfishness of a vampire teen, and the late, great ex-mate Seamus’s homicidal ways, maybe she was—in her own way. It just wasn’t the right way in Nik’s eyes.

  “No, thanks,” I told her. “I’d feel like the oldest guy at the prom.”

  “Junior prom,” Niko corrected. “At best.”

  “Yeah, yeah. We hear from the anal-retentive chaperone.” I wandered off, moving between the cars. I took a look into the empty offices, more out of boredom than curiosity. Framed pictures of happy families, happy kids living their happy, happy lives.

  Good for them. Life wasn’t looking that rosy for us right now.

  I shook my head and put the picture I’d been holding back down. I needed to try harder to see through Auphe eyes. Seeing . . . knowing, it came from a place I couldn’t go to, not here. I needed to be alone. I needed quiet. Swimming with the monsters in my subconscious wasn’t enough. I needed talons clawing their way through my mind, gray light, and a twist of black shadow pulling it all together. And even then I might not know any more than I knew now. Only one way to find out.

  Later.

  “Cal.”

  Niko’s voice was low and serious. Instantly, I moved back into the showroom. “What?” I said, putting a hand inside my jacket and pulling the Desert Eagle from my holster. This time I’d brought the big gun, but not explosive rounds. After the eel, the cadejo, and the Auphe, I was ready for some sheer destructive power—but it was hard to justify blowing a hole through a wall and taking out Mom, Dad, and baby in a stroller on the other side. Hard to justify to Nik anyway. I, myself, was on the fence about it.